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Extreme Safety:

Above and Beyond
the Call of Reason

Safety doesn't have to stop with good sense.

I suppose that a crash helmet, together with elbow and kneepads, would provide protection against injury, in case you trip while walking to the grill.

With a little imagination, there's almost no limit to how far "safety" can go.

A flame-retardant suit, like race drivers wear, with respirator, could prove useful in case of fire. Armored boots, shin guards, and thigh pads would afford protection against falling food platters. In the event that a heavy steak slipping off the meat fork, an umpire's chest protector would prevent injury as those dangerous sharp points come flipping up, while a fencer's mask would protect the face.

Finally, judging from warnings like "caution: coffee is very hot," people aren't really safe without good advice like this:

  1. Do not place your hand on the rack of a grill while the grill is in use.
  2. Do not sit on a hot grill.
  3. Do not attempt to use an LP cylinder as a substitute air tank when diving.
  4. Do not attempt to use your grill as a tanning bed.
  5. Use of an LP cylinder as a bug bomb may result in serious injury, property damage, or death.
  6. Do not use liquid propane as a laundry-cleaning agent.
  7. Do not use liquid propane as a mouthwash.
  8. Liquid propane is not a substitute for antifreeze.
  9. Do not use grilling tongs as tweezers.
  10. A spatula is not a dental hygiene tool.

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Copyright 2005 Brian H. Gill